i promised many that i wouldn cry again, but, i broke my promise. im feeling very tired with life. finding surety for my scholarship is so difficult. i may have a very big family, but they're either self-employed, under study loan or too old. and my parents both attitude me because they are bothered about this matter. is it even my fault? fck. and now, one of my sureties has to be my dad's friend. i just spoke to him. i can feel that he isn that willing to be my surety but because of my dad, he agreed. everyone only sees that good side of being a scholar but has no idea how stressful it is to the person. GPA of 3.0 and above for every exam. seriously, i dont even know if i can get that. my school grades are always very atrocious. but now, i need to study like an idiot for everything because of the scholarship. having cold war with him or maybe ive already been forgotten, getting pressurized by studies even before i start school, receiving attitudes from my parents. why am i being punished? am i dreaming? if i am, i really want to wake up from it. i wanna escape, now. escape from home, escape from work, escape from everything. is there any where that i can hide? can time just stop right now so that i can take a breather?